Initiating in friendships + other relationships

Often, in friendships and relationships, there’s someone who initiates more.

This can be a tricky topic. People who notice that they’re reaching out more can feel unappreciated, and unvalued. They might pull back.

And sometimes that’s appropriate — maybe the other person doesn’t value the relationship as much.

But at other times, as Shasta Nelson points out in her book Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness, just because someone initiates less, doesn’t necessarily mean they want to spend less time together. Maybe the other person is actually just shyer, or less practiced at reaching out. Maybe they get caught up in work more than is good for them.

Maybe they really appreciate the initiative!

So today, I just wanted to offer you something short and sweet: can you thank someone in your life who initiates?

Nelson even offers a lovely little script for what that might sound like:

“It means so much to me that you invite me out so often. I always love our time together and am so grateful that you reach out. I’m so sorry that I’m not very good at giving that same gift back to you, but I want you to know how very glad I am that you haven’t let that stop you from initiating. Thank you!”

Who deserves a thank you in your life, for initiating more often?

p.s. And, of course, sometimes we don’t initiate as much as the other person because… well, seeing them so frequently isn’t our top priority. That’s okay, too! But this exercise is about gratitude for someone whose more frequent initiation you do value.

As always, you’ve got this. I’m rooting for you.

Katie