On "gravitational pulls" + other people's value systems
Here’s a life-changing question for you:
Are you allowing yourself to get trapped in the gravitational pull of other people’s value systems?
You know, the values of:
Your colleagues
Your boss
Your college or graduate school classmates
Your mom
Your friends
We choose our jobs based on what our business school classmates think a “good” job is. We chose our lunch based on what our mom would think was “healthy” or “reasonable.” We choose our outfits, our hair, our weekend activities, our partners, and our friends, based on someone else’s value system.
Sometimes the value system doesn’t belong to anyone we could explicitly identify. It’s just “the world.” The world says that if I don’t do my job this way, I’m a bad person! The world says that if I ask for this I’m greedy!
But: do we agree with that assessment?
Does that assessment reflect our true values?
…
The alternative, of course, is to be crystal clear on your authentic values and priorities… and live according to them.
For many of us, this feels impossible. We have no freaking clue what our values are. Or the gravitational pull of others’ values feels truly impossible to escape. Their values feel like "the truth” about life.
To which I would say:
It’s 100% possible to know your values, like your values, and live according to them.
Yep. I mean it.
You may face roadblocks, but they can almost always be addressed.
Many of us fear that addressing these roadblocks will feel like pushing enormous boulders across football fields. The truth? Far more often it is actually incremental, small shifts inside our own brains. This is at the core of much of the work I do with my 1:1 life coaching clients if it’s ever of interest. So this weekend, about any choice — small or large — you might ask yourself:
Am I choosing this based on my own values, or someone else’s?
So this weekend, about any choice — small or large — you might ask yourself: am I choosing this based on my own values, or someone else’s?
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
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