When everything in life feels "hard"
A little while ago, my life coach (yes, I have one!) pointed out that I was saying that a lot of things were “hard.”
Wrangling young children at bedtime was hard.
My 16-month renovation was hard.
Having enough time for everything I wanted to do was — you guessed it — hard.
My coach challenged me to notice, as I moved through my days, what wasn’t hard. What was, in fact, easy? And when I noticed when something was easy, to just say to myself, “This is easy.”
Reader, I did it.
Reader, it turns out that a lot of my life is easy.
I found myself saying “this is easy” to myself, at least a handful of times a day.
When I had a quiet moment to journal in the morning.
As I took a breath and had a lovely lunch.
When I read a book after dinner, or snuck into my kids’ room at 9 pm to watch them sleep.
And, even more strikingly: I noticed that when I said “this is easy” to myself, several times a day, my day felt easier… without changing anything.
I think this happened because the *average* of my thoughts became more positive. I didn’t get rid of the negative ones, I just added more truthful positive ones.
(“Truthful” is an important part of that sentence. This wasn’t a practice about lying to myself, or self-gaslighting. Plenty of things remain hard or unpleasant — brushing a toddler’s teeth, anyone? — and I tell myself the truth about those things, too, with compassion.)
…
So today, I wanted to offer you an invitation to play with this practice.
If — like me — everything has felt “hard” lately, you might practice noticing what’s “easy.” Or maybe there’s a different word that has plagued you:
Has everything been “boring?” Maybe look for what is fun, or interesting, in your day-to-day.
Has everything been “frustrating?” Maybe look for what has “gone well” – or interactions that felt “helpful” or “supportive.”
Again, the point isn’t to deny your experience. Many things will likely remain hard, boring, and frustrating.
But also, we may be unfairly weighing the narrative towards the negative, by simply not noticing parts of our life that are the opposite of our habitual interpretation — and suffering because of it.
…
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. One of my clients said:
"These are lessons that I could potentially have learned "on my own" after another 1-2 decades of life experience, but the fact I have made such progress in 12 months means that working with Katie has easily been the best investment I've made in myself in my adulthood."
I feel so moved by her saying that. If you'd like to work with me — I currently have two openings for new clients — learn more + reach out here.
Want to receive essays like this every Sunday morning? Sign up for my newsletter!
