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Exhausted at work but can't take time off? Here's 6 ways to help
Many of my clients come to me with jobs that freaking exhaust them.
They tell me they absolutely have to quit their exhausting jobs, to become librarians or writers. Or live in airstreams by the sea. There’s no other way out.
I’m not against quitting one’s job, but today, I thought it might be helpful to share 6 ways that I help my clients have much more energy when their jobs are draining the life force out of them:
Get clear about your authentic priorities.
Many of us are unintentionally living as though “being a perfect employee” is our top life priority. But when we really think about it… it’s not.
Our priorities might be something more like: “I want to add a lot of value at work, while also having plenty of time to take care of myself and connect with my partner.”
The difference between showing up at work with the goal of “being a perfect employee” versus “I want to add a lot of value at work, while also having plenty of time to take care of myself and connect with my partner” can be night and day.Think new thoughts about your job.
You might be into this whole “I want to live in tune with my true values” idea.
But when you try to implement it, your brain might flip out. It might tell you things like: “You’ll get fired!” or “Your boss/colleagues will be so mad!” or “You can’t do a good job without working the way you’ve been working!”
These thoughts are very scary. They feel very true. So — you’ll keep working the way you’ve been working…which has been exhausting you.
And yet, far more often than we think, the thoughts that our brains are yelling are simply not true. In this example, it actually might be true that working in a way that would be in tune with your values would give you more energy, creativity, and resourcefulness, which might even (gasp!):Make you better at your job,
Delight your boss or colleagues,
Make you more likely to stay at your job (rather than quit to become a librarian or live in Portugal for a year). And yes… wait for it…
Make you more likely to eventually get promoted.
The way you think about your work situation deeply matters. If you believe that it’s irresponsible or careless to work less or work differently — you’ll simply never do it. This is something I often work with clients on: thinking new thoughts about the same situation.
(If you’d like to start thinking some new thoughts — here’s one way to get you started)You must work smarter, not harder.
I have never met a client who couldn’t put in less time and energy, with equal or superior results, by strategically shifting how they work. In other words: “working smarter.”
The tricky thing about working smarter (as with many of these points) is that it can be hard to see the opportunities in our own lives. This is where a coach who can point out opportunities you can’t see can be astonishingly useful.
But if you’d like to begin on your own, here’s one concept that I often share with my clients, as a way of kicking off the “work smarter” conversation.It might be time to build new skills.
Setting boundaries, making requests (for a new salary, for a promotion or a new project), having difficult conversations effectively with work colleagues, communicating well over email, processing and then letting go of anxiety when an interaction doesn’t go as you’d hoped — these are all things we can become more skillful at with time.
And “building skills” doesn’t have to be exhausting. I often find that my clients just need someone to point out a small new technique, tiny tweak, or opportunity they may have missed.Are you attending to what you need to attend to, outside of work?
Work is much less exhausting when we are well-rested, well-nourished, physically well, and emotionally supported in our out-of-work life. And yet: there can be a complex web of reasons why we might not, say, get meaningful rest, or have enough emotional support.
And here’s something I frequently find: my clients often think they know our out-of-work priorities, but as we dig deeper, it often turns out that their sense of priorities is actually no longer true for them. They think that they like how they spend their Saturdays, for example, but when we really dig in… it’s not working for them. Refreshing your priorities to help you get what you need right now often has astonishing dividends for work productivity and energy.
Coaching can help with that, too.Be thoughtful about when to leave, and when to stick it out.
Sometimes you can do all of the personal work in the world… but your job or your industry is just not suited to you. Coaching can help you tell the difference between the two, so you’re not stuck in anguish and mental drama about it.
…
If you take one thing from this essay, let it be this: There are many more opportunities to feel better at your job than you are currently seeing.
This is one (of many) areas in which life coaching can shine. Having a coach to talk through your specific situation in detail is worth its weight in gold (and in dollars and cents). If you’d like to work with me, you can find out more here.
But whether we work together or not, I hope this list gives you some ideas for where to start, if you ever start feeling exhausted by your job.
I’m rooting for you.
Katie
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2 (easy) ideas for when you're emotionally and mentally exhausted
Among the many things that I help my clients with, one category is what I’d call “feeling better” (we could call that “feeling less anxious” “feeling less tired” or even, “going from good to thriving,” depending on the client).
If you’ve been getting this newsletter for a while, you know that I have lots of ideas on how to do just that — from a two-day prescription, to ideas for intrepid intentional tech adventurers.
Today, I thought it might be nice to share 2 no-brainer ideas. For me, “no brainers” are not hard, don’t require a much (if any) emotional energy, and are at least slightly fun.
If you’re already doing both of these, awesome! If you’re not, they’re pretty no-brainer ones to add to your life.
Here they are:
1. Read a physical book or magazine for 30 minutes.
Design magazines or romance novels (my favorites) count. So do celebrity gossip magazines or Revolutionary War histories (just finished this, 100 pages into this). Anything counts as long as it is a physical reading material.
Just get off of your phone or laptop or TV and read something. Do it for 30 minutes. If you haven’t been reading much that’s not an internet article lately, it may be a bit hard to focus. That’s okay. Just practice, and it’ll get much easier.
I find it astonishing how much my breathing slows down, how much my nervous system calms down, when I read a physical book.
For extra credit, go for a full hour.
2. Take a walk.
Walk to your corner and back. Walk around the block. Or, sure, walk for 45 minutes or an hour. But if you’re anxious or overwhelmed, if you’re not walking…you need to start walking.
I know, I know: I’m so overwhelmed. Walking won’t help. Walking won’t fix it.
I dare you: Go take a walk. Email me if you don’t feel better afterward.
…
On one hand: maybe these feel “obvious” to you.
On the other hand: are you feeling low-level anxious, tired, or overwhelmed today? Have you done both of these things?
You’ve got this.
Katie
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On "driving like a maniac" (Or: One reason why you feel burnt out)
Recently, I picked up David Anderegg’s Worried All the Time, and he said something that really stopped me in my tracks:
“If we often feel our own lives and those of our children have been given too much gas, television is the brake. Metaphorically, we don’t drive at a smooth, steady pace; we drive like maniacs, and then step on the brake when we feel out of control.
“As the felt pace of life approaches the felt pace of emergency room doctors and nurses, we would expect as a matter of necessity that addiction to something will arise. And since we can’t offer our ten-year-olds a beer, we give them something else that they can use to change their mental state immediately.”
In this quote, Anderegg is talking about television; his book was published in 2003, and that concern seems somehow quaint today. But, all the same, I really think he dropped two truth bombs about compulsive behavior, more generally:
Many of us are "driving like maniacs" in our own lives — our nervous systems are chronically stressed and overstimulated. And then we need to slam on the brakes — doing something that numbs or calms us.
The root of the problem isn’t the “brakes.” So often, we bemoan the act of “slamming on the breaks.” I need to stop checking my phone so much! I can’t stop myself when I’m with a jar of peanut butter! I can’t believe I spent three hours on YouTube!
But what I love about Anderegg’s argument is that he separates symptom from cause. Sure, none of these activities are great for you. But as the felt pace of our lives escalates, it is expected, he argues, as a “matter of necessity,” that an addiction to something will arise. We need those “breaks” to slow down our lives.
We will only stop needing our small “addictions,” or compulsive behaviors when we stop “driving like maniacs” in our lives.
Finding a more sustainable life pace is something I talk to clients about a lot, and it’s certainly not a simple, two-step, get-it-done-in-three-days process. Often, there are good reasons why we “drive like maniacs.” But for this week, I wanted to leave you with some questions to start you on the journey:
For how much of your life do you feel like you are, metaphorically, “driving like a maniac?”
What might you lose, if you slowed down your speed at least a little bit? What might you gain?
Do you even know how to find a more sustainable pace?
If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy my email newsletter — twice a month, I email you an essay on meaning, work, authenticity, relationships, communication, technology, or the windy path of life. You can sign up here, if you’d like.
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie