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Being a beginner can suck. Here's one way to shift that mindset
Last week, I wrote about being a beginner. I made — in my opinion — a pretty compelling argument: if you’d like more vibrancy + sparkle in your life, being a beginner can help.
But there’s one more thing I want to say about this it’s-fabulous-to-be-a-beginner thing:
It can really suck to be a beginner.
I mean, sometimes it’s totally lovely + charming to be a beginner. I’m dancing the samba and I’m bad and I don’t care! But at other times, a beginner can bring up thoughts like:
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m terrible at this.
Everyone will *see* me being terrible at this. And judge me. And that judgement will cause something bad to happen.
These thoughts can be so scary that they stop us entirely from doing the thing that we want to do.
So today, I wanted to write to you the astonishingly effective tool I use to deal with painful thoughts like this. (And all kinds of other painful thoughts, actually).
The tool that I use is called Thought Work.*
I want to explain to you how it works, and then I’ll share a personal example of how I use it.
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How it works:
There are two parts to Thought Work: (1) doing a thought download, and (2) analyzing your thoughts.
(1) Doing a Thought Download
Set a timer for 5 minutes, and write down every thought you have about a topic. (e.g., every thought you have about your attempts to learn French, or your new job). Thoughts can be judgements, fears, desires — anything. Just write down one per line on your paper, so it’s really easy to see each separate one.
(2) Analyze your thoughts.
Once you have all of your thoughts in a list, just take them one by one, and analyze them. You might ask yourself questions like:
In what ways is this thought true? In what ways is it not true?
Is there a thought that you think could be more true?
Could another thought be more useful to believe?
The point of this is to systematically examine your thinking. We often believe our thoughts as if we were reporting scientifically verifiable facts — when in reality, our thoughts are just beliefs. And someone else could just as easily… believe something completely different.
This practice may sound obvious. It may sound like something you already do, informally, in your head, or when you’re talking to your best friend.
But do not misunderstand me: doing it on paper, on a regular basis, is a radically different game.
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An example of how I use Thought Work
In my free time, I’m writing a romance novel. I love relationships in general and romance novels, specifically — it’s something I’ve wanted (and tried, on and off) to do for years.
And yet, I’m a beginner at writing romance novels. The reason I’ve been “working” on a romance novel for so long — but not had a regular writing practice, till recently — is that my mind was full of fearful thinking on the topic.
I had thoughts like:
You’re too tired to write today. Everything you write will be terrible.
You’re not inspired. Don’t bother today.
You shouldn’t write at all. You’re a terrible writer of fiction.
Fine, you can write it. But you can’t show it to anyone or advertise it publicly to people who know you. Everyone would judge you for writing a romance novel. Also for how bad this novel is going to be.
So, of course, I didn’t write regularly!
It was only when I started doing Thought Work, each time before I sat down to write, that I was able to clearly see + dismantle each of these Garbage Thoughts. (I call thoughts “Garbage” when they are not true + harmful to me).
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Here is, for example, my Thought Work From yesterday (I won’t show you the separate Thought Download; here is my analysis of each thought):
I’m too tired to write.
It literally doesn’t matter what you write, so it doesn’t matter if you’re tired. Just write absolute GARBAGE. That’s 100% FINE.
My writing will be bad.
To be honest, you are a terrible judge of writing. Your writing is pretty solid B- level, which is actually pretty awesome, considering what a beginner you are. You always complain that it’s bad, but it’s not true. So you have two options:
1. You can STOP complaining that it’s bad. Because it’s wrong. It’s just a dumb tape in your head. It’s actually pretty decent and will probably entertain at least one person. And once you’ve written a few novels, it’ll probably entertain a lot of people, because you’ll be an even better writer.
2. You can keep thinking you’re terrible, if you like it or find it motivating or something?
(No, actually I hate thinking this. It is painful and it’s discouraging and makes me never want to write again.)
But I can’t write TODAY.
Why not? Like, literally why not? You can write garbage. But it won’t be garbage; it never is. You CAN write something. Also — the goal of writing is to get to know your characters. So GET TO KNOW THEM!!
I need to change pants first.
No, you don’t.
Fine, whatever — do it. Change pants. Then set a timer and WRITE.
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Having done this daily, it feels much easier to dismantle these thoughts. They go down easily, with less of a fight.
But I cannot overestimate how impactful this has been for me. Once I dismantle my thoughts, on paper, I feel so much freer to write.
And, of course, when we see someone else's thoughts it’s easy to see how ridiculous they are. You might be thinking to yourself: Well, of course, those are Garbage Thoughts, Katie! You definitely shouldn’t believe them. Just embrace being a beginner.
And yet, is there something you’ve been wanting to be a beginner in, but haven’t actually done yet?
I would bet you have your own Garbage Thinking on the topic.
Will you do a Thought Download and see?
(And to truly experience the life-changing effects of thought work, I recommend doing it daily for two weeks. When you systematically take apart your Garbage Thinking for fourteen consecutive days, you actually do — for real — start to believe different things.)
* Thought work, at its core, is simply the process of seeing and questioning one’s thoughts; we could trace it to established traditions from Buddhism to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The form I particularly love was developed by Brooke Castillo’s work at the Life Coach school, and I learned about it through one of my coaches, the wonderful Dielle Charon.
As always, you’ve got this.
Katie
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The thought that led to huge personal growth for me
2021 is barely halfway over, and already, it has been an astonishing year of personal + professional growth for me.
When I say “astonishing,” I mean it. As in: no one is more astonished than me about how this year is turning out.
I’ve never felt more confident and skilled as a coach, and my clients have never gotten better results. My business has grown financially in ways that I used to be afraid to admit I wanted.
I feel physically well. Mentally sharp. Happy, a truly astonishing amount of the time.
Oh and: I freaking have 1-year-old twins.
Let's flash back to December 2019. I'm on the grey couch in my living room, crying to my husband: I’m not sure I can handle twins. I’m going to fall apart. My business is going to crumble.
Many factors helped make this year astonishing (Getting great childcare! All of these!). But there was one thought that I consciously decided to believe this year… and I think it made a huge difference.
Here it is: I believe I can learn anything with the right teacher.
It sounds simple, I know.
But don’t underestimate it.
I believe I can learn anything with the right teacher.
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One example, of many:
In January, I admitted to myself that I wanted to grow my coaching practice — to reach more people, and to make more money — and I wasn’t sure how. I was a bit ashamed, to be honest, that I hadn’t figured out how to do it on my own already.
But I reflected on it and decided: I believe I can learn anything with the right teacher.
So instead of feeling ashamed… I went out and found a teacher — a coach. And she freakin’ rocked my world. It turned out that I could be more successful while feeling calmer and less tired.
I have done this on several key occasions this year. My teachers have been coaches, books, courses, a stylist, and a design agency. Many of my lessons are still in progress.
But mostly, I am astonished by the potency of the thought: I believe I can learn anything with the right teacher.
If I believe I can learn anything with the right teacher, then it’s totally fine that I don’t know how to do what I want to do yet.
My only job is to go and find my teacher.
Going and finding the right teacher takes patience. It takes humility. For me, it also took a decision: “I am willing to spend money to invest in myself.”
(That has been another lesson of this year. I have never invested in myself to the degree that I have in 2021. And yet: my investments have paid astonishing returns.)
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I have good news: there’s still time for your 2021 to astonish you.
Do you believe that you can learn anything with the right teacher?
What would happen if you did believe it?
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As always, I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. Would you like me to be your teacher?
I’m really, really good at helping people feel amazing about their lives.
Finally making progress on that screenplay. Finally finding a new job. Doing higher quality work, with fewer hours. Feeling: calmer, happier, more connected, more productive.
I’m currently fully booked, but I have 3 openings for new clients in October. I’m getting booked in advance now — so I’d recommend reaching out now if you’d like to have a fall start.
(Plus, how fun would it be to finish out the summer — lazing on the beach, reading a book with a cold La Croix next to you…knowing that you’re about to start a fun + life-changing life coaching engagement in the fall?)
Learn more about my work + apply for a consult here.
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A quiz that is also a coaching session
Here’s a quick quiz for you:
What’s your top priority in life right now?
Some examples: Finally writing that novel, feeling calm and spacious, spending time with my family, taking excellent care of my body.
How much of your time is spent actually spent on that priority, every day? Every week?
Do you like your answer to #3?
If not, what are you going to do about it?
My observation is that many of us have something that matters a lot to us… but we do not live our lives like that thing matters a lot to us.
We say we really want to write that novel, but we almost never sit down to write.
We say time with our family is our top priority, but we are putting in longer hours at work than are truly necessary.
We say that we want to value our health, but we don’t do much in that direction.
In other words, we spend relatively little (or zero!) time on that thing that we supposedly “value.”
Yes, I can feel your objections through the internet. I’m so busy! I don’t know how to do the thing I want to do! It’s so hard!
But the point still applies.
Yes, there are lots of reasons that your life is out of alignment with your priorities.
But also: What are you going to do about it?
…
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
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Feel like you're off track? Read this.
I have bad news and good news. It’s the same news:
Your journey probably won’t be linear.
Not for your career.
Not for your relationships.
Not for your confidence.
Not for your eating.
Not for your body size or body image.
It’ll get better and then worse and then better and then worse. Whatever “better” and “worse” mean, anyway.
Then it will go sideways and backward and to the right and the left and the southeast and northwest.
Whew. Do you feel how exhausting it is? All those different directions?
This is bad news because it is friggin’ annoying that your life won’t progress like an arrow, zooming towards its destination.
But it’s also good news. If you feel like you're “off track” today or this month or this decade…it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actually going in the wrong direction.
Of course, this isn’t to say that you can’t try to grow in the direction that you care about! I’m a coach, for goodness sakes. I help my clients do that all the time.
But it does mean that just because your journey seems zig-zag-y, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong. You might just need to take a breath, ask for a hug, and buckle up.
And of course, I’m rooting for you along the way.
Katie