People who are good at everything + their common problems

Some percentage of people who work with me are what I call “People Who Are Good at Everything.” 

People Who Are Good at Everything are not good at absolutely everything. But they are often excellent in at least a few of the following ways: 

Their bosses love them

They get great feedback at work

They are skilled in sports and/or the arts

They were excellent students

They are charming and charismatic with new acquaintances

Many people want to date them

Of course, there are clear advantages to being someone who is Good at Everything. 

And yet, I have also noticed as a coach, that some (though not all) People Who Are Good at Everything develop a common problem. 

It’s this: They forget how to know what they want.  

…

We might assume that People Who Are Good at Everything would be excellent at knowing what they want. After all, they have so many amazing options to choose from — whether that be jobs, girlfriends, or colleges.  

And yet, I have observed that some People Who Are Good at Everything can become quite disconnected from what they want, for at least three reasons: 

1. They become addicted to being appreciated and adored.
   
   Several of my clients who are Good at Everything have excelled at jobs that they didn’t particularly like anymore. It was hard to leave, because they were getting such great feedback from their bosses and colleagues and clients. Everyone adored them! They were killing it!
   
   I’ve also witnessed someone who was very good at getting boyfriends to adore her, who stayed for months and sometimes years in relationships in which she didn’t adore the boyfriend. It felt so good to be adored!
   
   Of course, positive feedback is important. But also, we can become over-reliant on it, to the point that we value them-liking-us so much, we forget about the importance of whether we like them.
   
   
   

2. They are particularly susceptible to valuing impressiveness over their personal truth.
   
   This is not to say that the impressive choice is never the right choice – sometimes it is! But for some People Who Are Good at Everything, their default becomes to just pick the impressive choice — because it is elite, because other people want it, because they can.
   
   When we, over and over, default to picking the impressive choice without deeply inquiring about whether it is authentically right for us — our ability to even know what we want can atrophy…because we’re not using it.
   
   
   

3. They can be unaccustomed to the discomfort of going after something that they want.
   
   Sometimes, People Who Are Good at Everything can get accustomed to things coming easily. They are used to a lot of positive feedback, and a lot of great options. 
   
   But what they authentically want might require seeking out something that is not currently choosing them — they might have to go out there and get that job, relationship, or opportunity. They might face uncertainty on that journey, and come up against rejection and failure many times. This — to put it mildly — can totally suck.
   
   For people who are not Good at Everything, well, this is just how life is — you gotta go after what you choose, things often don’t choose you.
   
   But People Who Are Good at Everything sometimes lack those calluses, those muscles. They sometimes think that if something isn’t choosing them right now…it’s not meant for them.
   
   But that isn’t necessarily true. It can just be that going after what you want can be really tough. 
   
   
   

…

I wanted to share this concept because I suspect that many of you reading this are also People Who Are Good at Everything. 

You don’t have to be a supermodel or a Heisman Trophy winner to be someone who is Good at Everything. You could be like this in only your professional life, or only your romantic life, or only in your friendships. 

It has been empowering for my clients to hear that there are a specific set of problems that sometimes come along with being this type of person. 

And, of course, while solutions are always deeply personal, there are also some common themes: 

• Re-remember how to know what you want, and how to be with the discomfort of the journey. Make sure your compass and engine are strong.  

• Reach out for help and support if you need it – I’d highly recommend working with me 1:1, if you’re feeling intrigued. 

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this. 

Katie

p.s. One of my clients who recently finished working with me wrote:

""These are lessons that I could potentially have learned ""on my own"" after another 1-2 decades of life experience, but the fact I have made such progress in 12 months means that working with Katie has easily been the best investment I've made in myself in my adulthood.""

I feel so moved by her saying that. If you'd like to work with me — I currently have two openings for new clients — learn more + reach out here.

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Why a 5-year-plan may not work

Just a quickie for you this week — a quote that’s been swirling inside of me lately:

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path.

“You own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”

— Joseph Campbell

How many of us have anxiety, fear, or hesitation because we can’t see the next eighteen steps of our path?

How many of us cling to paths that may not be right for us, simply because they offer more clarity, certainty, and well… a path forward?

Of course, it’s sometimes true that you do know the next eighteen things you need or want to do. On the first day of medical school, perhaps.

But often — and especially with big life questions — you don’t.

Often the path is made with every step you take.

Often you can only see one step in front of you at a time.  

What’s stopping you from taking that next right step?

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie

This might be why you're feeling stuck in life

When I studied improv comedy in my early twenties, teachers always emphasized “playing at the top of your intelligence.” Even if your character isn’t a Nobel Prize winner, “playing at the top of your intelligence” means that in every situation, she’s trying to be as smart and savvy as she can with what she’s got.  

People who are playing at the top of their intelligence are more compelling to watch. The plots of their stories are more likely to move forward and not get bogged down in repetitive, boring, unnecessary stuff.

Are you playing at the top of your intelligence?

Many of us aren’t.

Many of us know, on some level, what’s working and not working about our lives. If we had a half hour of quiet to reflect, we could make a pretty accurate list of the things that are going great and the things we’d like to work on to have lives that are happier, healthier, more meaningful, or more productive.

Many of us don’t do that kind of reflection very much. We may think it’s because we “don’t have time,” but most of us have plenty of time for Netflix or YouTube or whatever our technological pleasure might be. I suspect the real reason might have more to do with how uncomfortable it can be to see ourselves clearly or how making changes might require time or energy or shaking up parts of our lives. We might have to seek out help to figure out our next steps.

The end result of avoiding this reflection and truth is the same: We’re not playing at the top of our intelligence.

But remember what happens with characters who do play at the top of their intelligence? They’re more compelling to watch. The plot of their lives moves forward and doesn’t get bogged down.

Isn’t that something we’d all like?

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie