People who are good at everything + their common problems
Some percentage of people who work with me are what I call “People Who Are Good at Everything.”
People Who Are Good at Everything are not good at absolutely everything. But they are often excellent in at least a few of the following ways:
Their bosses love them
They get great feedback at work
They are skilled in sports and/or the arts
They were excellent students
They are charming and charismatic with new acquaintances
Many people want to date them
Of course, there are clear advantages to being someone who is Good at Everything.
And yet, I have also noticed as a coach, that some (though not all) People Who Are Good at Everything develop a common problem.
It’s this: They forget how to know what they want.
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We might assume that People Who Are Good at Everything would be excellent at knowing what they want. After all, they have so many amazing options to choose from — whether that be jobs, girlfriends, or colleges.
And yet, I have observed that some People Who Are Good at Everything can become quite disconnected from what they want, for at least three reasons:
They become addicted to being appreciated and adored.
Several of my clients who are Good at Everything have excelled at jobs that they didn’t particularly like anymore. It was hard to leave, because they were getting such great feedback from their bosses and colleagues and clients. Everyone adored them! They were killing it!
I’ve also witnessed someone who was very good at getting boyfriends to adore her, who stayed for months and sometimes years in relationships in which she didn’t adore the boyfriend. It felt so good to be adored!
Of course, positive feedback is important. But also, we can become over-reliant on it, to the point that we value them-liking-us so much, we forget about the importance of whether we like them.They are particularly susceptible to valuing impressiveness over their personal truth.
This is not to say that the impressive choice is never the right choice – sometimes it is! But for some People Who Are Good at Everything, their default becomes to just pick the impressive choice — because it is elite, because other people want it, because they can.
When we, over and over, default to picking the impressive choice without deeply inquiring about whether it is authentically right for us — our ability to even know what we want can atrophy…because we’re not using it.They can be unaccustomed to the discomfort of going after something that they want.
Sometimes, People Who Are Good at Everything can get accustomed to things coming easily. They are used to a lot of positive feedback, and a lot of great options.
But what they authentically want might require seeking out something that is not currently choosing them — they might have to go out there and get that job, relationship, or opportunity. They might face uncertainty on that journey, and come up against rejection and failure many times. This — to put it mildly — can totally suck.
For people who are not Good at Everything, well, this is just how life is — you gotta go after what you choose, things often don’t choose you.
But People Who Are Good at Everything sometimes lack those calluses, those muscles. They sometimes think that if something isn’t choosing them right now…it’s not meant for them.
But that isn’t necessarily true. It can just be that going after what you want can be really tough.
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I wanted to share this concept because I suspect that many of you reading this are also People Who Are Good at Everything.
You don’t have to be a supermodel or a Heisman Trophy winner to be someone who is Good at Everything. You could be like this in only your professional life, or only your romantic life, or only in your friendships.
It has been empowering for my clients to hear that there are a specific set of problems that sometimes come along with being this type of person.
And, of course, while solutions are always deeply personal, there are also some common themes:
Re-remember how to know what you want, and how to be with the discomfort of the journey. Make sure your compass and engine are strong.
Reach out for help and support if you need it – I’d highly recommend working with me 1:1, if you’re feeling intrigued.
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. One of my clients who recently finished working with me wrote:
""These are lessons that I could potentially have learned ""on my own"" after another 1-2 decades of life experience, but the fact I have made such progress in 12 months means that working with Katie has easily been the best investment I've made in myself in my adulthood.""
I feel so moved by her saying that. If you'd like to work with me — I currently have two openings for new clients — learn more + reach out here.
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