My parenting role model
Back in 2019, I read my favorite parenting “advice” essay of all time.
I was not a parent.
I was not even pregnant.
And yet, it inspired me as a human being. And now that I’m a parent, it inspires me even more.
The essay was called “My Mom was a Fast Food Cook”, and it was written by Mindy Berry Walker, who is now a mom with kids of her own, about her childhood in the 1970’s.
Walker’s mom, Mrs. Berry, was a full-time teacher, with three kids, who also played tennis nearly every afternoon after teaching.
Just let that sink in — especially if you’re a parent.
Full-time teacher.
Three kids.
Tennis every afternoon.
How did she do it? Well, in Walker’s words, “it probably helped that she didn’t have to rush home to prep dinner.” The family ate fast food most nights.
Chinese food, Italian, burgers – in their small town 70 miles south of St. Louis, there weren’t even that many options in the late 1970’s. It was a huge upgrade when a Taco Bell came to town and they could get Mexi-Melts.
Here’s what Walker said:
“I didn’t think much about my childhood dinner routine until about a year ago when I was out with fellow over-worked, over-stretched friends, and we were discussing the impossibility of finding time to exercise.
“I mentioned that my mom had played tennis nearly every afternoon after teaching when I was growing up. “How did she squeeze it in?” they asked.
“I explained it probably helped that she didn’t have to rush home to prep dinner. Brows furrowed in question. But the audible gasps didn’t come until I said, “And she never felt guilty about her choice! I never heard my mom say, ‘What’s wrong with me? I should cook more.’”
Oh man, I feel relaxed and frankly, delighted, whenever I hear that story.
Walker says that she’d like to think not cooking dinner was some fabulous form of 1970’s feminist protest, but ultimately, she thinks that her mom just didn’t like to cook. “She didn’t find it relaxing or rewarding to “have something in the oven.” Her own mother didn’t get satisfaction from making meals, and she didn’t encourage my mom, or any of us, to take it up.”
And, in fact: “Once she decided that she could be a good mom—the best mom, I’d venture—without being on stovetop duty every night, and that she and my dad were okay with the cost, the routine was set.”
Personally, I think of Mrs. Berry often. I love that she knew her priorities — fun exercise trumped cooking — and she freaking followed them.
…
So, today, I thought I’d share it with you:
In what area of your life could you be better (a better parent, employee, friend, spouse) — by letting yourself follow your truest priorities, and not feel guilty?
What about your life could you ask: What would Mrs. Berry do?
…
As always, I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. For some of you, there’s a big, ahem, holiday tomorrow. What do you think Mrs. Berry would do about that day?
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