One way to begin spending less time on technology

It was 8 pm. I’d just gotten home from a walk, and planned to shower and make dinner. But first, I reached for my phone.

What if you didn’t?

It was a small, kind voice inside of me that asked the question. It wasn’t mean or accusatory. But I also knew it was on to something.

Lately, I’d started to wonder if I used technology too much. Previously, I had always thought of myself as a “slightly below average” technology user — I don’t follow that many people on social media, I don’t text that much, I don’t get that many emails. And yet, I found myself checking my phone or my laptop:

• When I’ve just gotten home, but was still in my car — before walking into the house.

• Right after arriving at my home, before doing anything else. I’d set down my bags, and check my email or my phone.

• When I entered my office, before starting work.

• In the middle of working.

• In the morning, right when I woke up.

• Right before bed.
  

Of course, there were other times I used the internet, too. A big part of my work is on the internet — it’s how I meet with clients who don’t live nearby, and it’s how I’m sending this letter to you. But that didn’t particularly concern me.

There was something about that first type of internet usage that did feel important to look at, because it seemed like they fell into two categories:

1. Transitional moments. I’ve talked about transitional moments in the context of eating before, but transitions are often times when we have more feelings than we realize.
   
   Say that we’ve just gotten home from work or seeing friends. We may carry within us some tiredness or even pent-up excitement from that past activity. Plus, traveling even short distances can be subtly draining, and then we are trying to focus on doing all the things we need to do when we get home.
   
   The point here is not that transitions are the most tiring things in the world. Rather, it’s that we are often more tired or overwhelmed than we realize in these moments. 
   
   

2. Blow-off-steam moments. You know that feeling when you’ve been working for a couple of hours (or even just 20 minutes), and suddenly checking social media or your email or that blog you like sounds like a good idea? Or suddenly grabbing a snack sounds like a good idea? If we look deeper into these moments, we pretty quickly find something like I’m tired of working and I want less stress and more pleasure. So we use technology. Or food. Or something else.
   

It’s not that technology can’t be helpful to deal with the subtle tiredness of transitioning, or with blowing off steam. But it seemed like I was spending a lot of my day on technology — sometimes I would suddenly realize I’d been on Instagram for a half hour, for example, even though I just meant to do a “quick check.”

I also felt I had more trouble concentrating than I did when I was in high school. Back then, I didn’t have a smartphone and the computer in my bedroom could only do two things: word processing and solitaire.  I felt like my life wasn’t that busy now, but I was getting less done than I’d like, and I felt easily distracted.

I started to wonder if technology was actually the best way to deal with these transitions or blowing off steam.

...

So in that curious moment, when I was hungry and sweaty and really wanted to “just quickly” check Instagram on my phone…I didn’t.

I lay on my bed instead.

I lay on my bed and did nothing. Just lay there. I noticed what it felt like, to have not picked up my phone. It felt pretty intense in my body at first, like I might jump out of my skin. Then it died down quite a lot.

As I lay there, I realized that I had been feeling subtly overwhelmed. My early evening had been busy, and somehow the act of going straight into a shower and making dinner had seemed like slightly too much to do. No wonder I wanted to blow off some steam in that transition.

As I continued to lie there, I noticed other things. I paid attention to the ebbing and flowing of body sensations. I reflected on some things that had been making me feel insecure lately and found some peace about them. I even had a couple of ideas about articles to write — which was surprising because I’d been low on writing ideas lately.

When I finally got up, I felt calmer and more grounded in my body. It wasn’t like everything was fixed — I still felt tired from the day, for example — but I was able to notice those feelings while also moving on to what needed to be done.

…

That night was a few weeks ago.  Since then, I’ve been trying to not use technology, at least sometimes, when I can tell that I’m using it for a transition or to blow off steam.

It doesn’t always feel great at first, to be honest. That jumping-out-of-my-skin feeling is usually there. So sometimes I’ll lie on my bed or even on the floor and just notice my thoughts and feelings and body sensations. I’ll let them be a little more intense for a few moments, and then let them ebb away.

I’m just making small experiments so far, but they’ve been useful. Last night, when I was about to browse the internet after dinner, I stayed off screens and read for three hours instead. I was surprised at how refreshed I felt, and how much my stress level seemed to lower.  

So that’s my offering for you this week: Is there something that you worry isn’t serving you? Can you experiment with, just once, not doing it? Intense feelings and body sensations might come up, at first. Can you sit with them, at least for a little while?

I’d love to know how it goes.

I originally shared this essay back in 2018. While I’m on maternity leave, I’m sharing some of the best posts from my archives — I hope you enjoy! :)  

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie

Unplugging from technology + Technology Overuse Syndrome (TOS) (Which I made up, but is also real)

I’d like to name a condition. It’s not a new condition, but I’m not sure that it has an official name and I think it needs one. I’m calling it Technology Overuse Syndrome (TOS), and here are the symptoms that I’ve noticed in myself:

• Never feeling like you have enough time, or like you never quite get to things that matter to you

• Feeling at least a little emotionally tired, much of the time

• Feeling low-level anxiety, much of the time

• Wondering if your brain isn’t as sharp, or your focus isn’t as good, as it used to be

• Having trouble focusing on a single task without doing some technological “checking” (of the news, email, social media, etc.)
  
  

There’s quite a lot of research suggesting that the constant use of technology is making Gen-Z/iGen teenagers the most stressed-out, anxious, and depressed generation yet.

I’m not sure why it would have that effect on teens and not have at least some effect on adults, too. Sure, adults are more fully formed, but so many people I talk to experience low-level anxiety and tiredness much of the time. It’s true that there are many causes — our jobs ask a lot of us, we have kids, we’re busy — but I also think that many, if not most, of us are suffering from TOS without realizing it.

The treatment for TOS, in my experience, is getting more intentional about your technology usage.

Becoming “more intentional” doesn’t mean that you can’t use technology for pleasure. It doesn’t mean that you can’t use technology to numb out when you’ve had a tiring day or you just need a break.

It just means that you don’t accept, blindly, the way that technology tends to suck you in. It means you ask questions like, “Does this serve me?” and “What am I wanting this particular technology usage to give me?” and “Am I avoiding something?” It means that you, gently and gradually, adjust your technology usage so that you maximize the benefits while reducing the downsides.

On a personal level, I’ve been shocked by how much getting more intentional about my technology usage — not perfect, just more intentional — has improved my focus, given me more time, and, more importantly, reduced that low-level fatigue and anxiety.

I’ve also found it to be a remarkably useful intervention with my clients. Getting more intentional about technology gives them more time, emotional resilience and energy, and clarity about what they want and how to move forward — no matter what our coaching topic is. And, shockingly, there are very few downsides (the only one is that you may have to become aware of challenging feelings that were under the surface — but this is a pretty common side effect of coaching, more generally.)

So, this weekend, I wanted to say: Do you experience the symptoms of TOS? Are there any other symptoms that I haven’t identified? (If so, hit reply on this email and let me know! Or leave a comment!)

And, of course, if you’re experiencing the symptoms, what could be one, small step towards doing something about it? Here’s a couple of ideas:

• Today, each time before you check your email or Instagram, write down: What am I hoping that this will do? (Entertain you? Numb you? Distract you from your stress or fatigue?)
  
  

  • Afterwards, write down: Did this do what I hoped it would do? Somehow writing it down draws your attention to it in a different day and forces you to be more honest about what’s serving you and what isn’t.
    
    

  • Just once today, when you’re about to check Facebook or your favorite news site…don’t. Lie on the floor or sit in a chair and look out the window or go outside for 90 seconds. Do you feel bored? Notice what feelings are in your body. Notice what you’re truly needing in this moment.
    
    

  • Or, if you’re in LA, join my 6-week Tech With Intention group! Starts Feb 6 :)

As always, you’ve got this. I’m rooting for you.

Katie

Two ways I use the internet less - without a full-scale digital detox

I’m very interested in how technology affects our well-being, and how we can use it more intentionally. I’ve written about this topic before (here and here), but here’s one phrase that’s been ping-ponging around my head recently:   

Just because some is good, doesn’t mean that more is better.

It’s easy to read that phrase and think, Of course. Duh.

But are you actually applying it in your relationship with technology? Do you actually say to yourself, for example, “I’ve noticed that 30 minutes of this app/activity/device brings me significant benefit, but past that point, do the downsides outweigh the positives?”

To give you some ideas of how to begin that process, I wanted to share how I’ve been applying it to one part of my relationship with technology: Internet browsing.

Internet Browsing and Intentional Technology Usage

I’ll admit it: I love browsing the internet for pleasure. I use social media rarely at this point, but I still have blogs and websites that I love to read. Plus, occasionally watching SNL videos can be so fun! I think some amount of internet browsing is “good” for me because it brings me so much pleasure.

But I started noticing that because I enjoyed the internet so much, it was tempting to do it all the time. Oh, I just woke up? Why not look something up on the internet? Oh, I have a few hours after dinner? Why not spend all of it on the Internet?

I often felt like time would fly by – and like I never quite had enough of it. I also started wondering if the internet was actually giving me all the pleasure and relaxation that I thought it did.

So here are two things that I started to do, to implement “just because some is good, doesn’t mean that more is better” with my internet browsing:

1. Not using the Internet after dinner

I used to spend most of my after-dinner time on the Internet. I was tired from the day, there was nothing urgent to do, so why not? But I also noticed that I often felt emotionally tired at the end of my night, even after spending a significant amount of time online, which I thought helped me relax. I wondered whether the internet — even though it’s quite pleasurable — wasn’t letting me emotionally recover.

So I decided that I’d explore just not using the internet after dinner. Here are some of the interesting things I found:  

• I felt calmer. The very first night I did this experiment, I read a book for three hours after dinner, when I might otherwise have been browsing the internet. When I finished reading, I thought to myself, “Wow, I feel so much calmer than I’ve felt in a while.” I noticed that my body felt noticeably less stressed than before, and my breathing was slower. This has proved to be consistently true and is the main reason I’ve stuck with it.
  

• I felt like I had more time. Somehow, my evenings have started to feel longer, even though they are often actually shorter, because…
  

• I went to bed earlier. When I stayed off the internet after dinner, I kept finding myself getting tired earlier than I used to. It makes perfect sense — there’s no shortage of research on the negative effect of technology use on sleep. But it felt different when it actually happened to me.
  

• I woke up earlier. It turns out that when you go to bed earlier, you tend to wake up earlier, too. I love mornings and had always wanted to get up earlier without sacrificing sleep, so this was a big perk for me.
  

• I read many more books. The week that I’m writing this alone, I’ve started and finished two novels, and read some chunks of good nonfiction. This is an above-average week (the novels were both pretty fast reads), but I read a lot now.
  

2. Keeping a list of the things I’d like to “check” online

The internet makes it possible to get an answer to nearly any question, instantaneously. As a result, very tempting to look up the answer to any question, the moment we have it. It’s so satisfying to get an immediate answer! And it only takes a second!

But I started noticing that I was doing a lot of little “quick checks” throughout my day and wondered whether it was affecting my productivity and focus. Plus, even if the answer to my question could be professionally or personally useful, it was rarely true that I needed the answer to the question right then. I could usually wait at least a few hours for the answer.

So that’s what I started to do – I started keeping a list of “things to look up online” on a Post-it throughout my day. Then once a day, usually around 4 p.m., I look up as many of them as I please. I’ve definitely noticed that it helps me stay focused on the task at hand throughout the day, and it’s actually fun to be able to look up a bunch of things at once.

…

I like internet browsing — some of it is good for me. But using it whenever I had some leisure time wasn’t great for me, as it turned out. by not using the internet after dinner, I help myself have a calm and spacious, and more truly rejuvenating end to my day.

Similarly, I like being able to look up answers to my questions on the internet — some of it is good for me. But batching it helps me make sure I’m focused on what matters, rather than getting micro-distracted throughout my day. I can still get the answers to any questions that matter — I just have to wait a bit.

I’ll also say that I don’t do either of these practices 100% of the time. I’m not perfect, by any means. The good news is that I don’t have to do them 100% of the time, to experience real benefit.

How could you implement “just because some is good, doesn’t mean that more is better” in an actionable, concrete way in your life?

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie