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The intimidating journey
Just something small to share this week. It’s a passage from one of my favorite books — Swamplands of the Soul, by James Hollis — which has been haunting me lately.
Hollis writes:
“Indeed, next to the fantasy of immortality, the hardest fantasy to relinquish is the thought that there is something out there who is going to fix us, take care us—spare us the intimidating journey to which we have been summoned.
“No wonder we run from such a journey, project it onto gurus, never quite at home with ourselves.”
…
Something electric flashes up my spinal cord every time I think about “the intimidating journey to which we have been summoned.”
When we are quiet, unstimulated, many of us have a sense of what we are being summoned to do next. It might not be saving the world — it might just be getting our affairs (or our brains, our emotions) in order. But there is something for us to do, and no one can do it for us.
So I will invite you to ask yourself: what is the journey to which I am being summoned?
And: How can I stop running from it?
Because, in my experience, true satisfaction and meaning comes from heeding the call.
Always.
…
I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. Hollis is right: no one can spare you from your own “intimidating journey.” But working with me can provide just enough clarity, insight, and encouragement that you won’t run from it anymore — so you can take steps forward and build long-term momentum.
Learn more about working with me + apply for a consult here.
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On knowing what doesn't apply to you
One of the most profound skills you can acquire is the capacity to know what doesn’t apply to you.
Maybe you read some great advice about making friends. But maybe that doesn’t apply to you — living in tune with your current priorities could require spending what free time you do have… alone.
Maybe you read some great advice about productivity or professional growth. But maybe that doesn't apply to you — maybe you need to worry less about your professional life, and more about your personal life, right now.
Maybe you read some great advice about saving money. But maybe that doesn’t apply to you — living in tune with your current priorities could require spending money.
The advice could be about health or cultivating a creative practice. It could be useful. Profound.
But it might not apply to you.
A thought exercise for today:
What ideas, hacks, or tips are you struggling to implement?
Is it possible that they don’t actually apply to you right now?
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
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One way to tell if a choice is "right"
Here’s a reminder: Don’t forget that there are levels of “yes.”
A “hell yes” is not the same as a “just-clearing-the-bar yes.”
There’s a “good-enough-for-this-year yes” and a “good-enough-for-today yes”
A “slight yes," a "moderate yes," and a "strong yes"
Different decisions require different levels of “yes.” Just because it’s a “yes” of some kind, doesn’t mean you should do it. Time and energy and money are all limited and sometimes you’ve gotta make hard trade-offs.
Lately, I’ve been talking to a lot of people about whether or not to get married to someone they’re dating. It’s been coming up with old friends, and also with people I've just met. Marriage is a complex, personal decision, but I found myself saying this over and over, and it seemed to resonate just about every time. I think it applies to other decisions, too — what job to take, where to live, and whether get ice cream or buy those sequined shoes.
So, in case it is helpful: Don’t forget that there are levels of “yes.” Just because it’s a “yes,” doesn’t mean you should do it.
You’ve got this.
Katie
This might be why you're feeling stuck in life
When I studied improv comedy in my early twenties, teachers always emphasized “playing at the top of your intelligence.” Even if your character isn’t a Nobel Prize winner, “playing at the top of your intelligence” means that in every situation, she’s trying to be as smart and savvy as she can with what she’s got.
People who are playing at the top of their intelligence are more compelling to watch. The plots of their stories are more likely to move forward and not get bogged down in repetitive, boring, unnecessary stuff.
Are you playing at the top of your intelligence?
Many of us aren’t.
Many of us know, on some level, what’s working and not working about our lives. If we had a half hour of quiet to reflect, we could make a pretty accurate list of the things that are going great and the things we’d like to work on to have lives that are happier, healthier, more meaningful, or more productive.
Many of us don’t do that kind of reflection very much. We may think it’s because we “don’t have time,” but most of us have plenty of time for Netflix or YouTube or whatever our technological pleasure might be. I suspect the real reason might have more to do with how uncomfortable it can be to see ourselves clearly or how making changes might require time or energy or shaking up parts of our lives. We might have to seek out help to figure out our next steps.
The end result of avoiding this reflection and truth is the same: We’re not playing at the top of our intelligence.
But remember what happens with characters who do play at the top of their intelligence? They’re more compelling to watch. The plot of their lives moves forward and doesn’t get bogged down.
Isn’t that something we’d all like?
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
“Can I trust myself?”
I was buying some fancy bread at Whole Foods, when the friendly cashier with two buns on the top of his head asked me what I did for a living.
I told him I was a life coach, and he perked up. “What’s the most common thing you tell your clients to do?” he asked me as he looked for the code for my sourdough boule.
It took me a second, because I talk to my clients about so many things, and they all have such different styles and needs and goals. I started stammering something about how I don’t tell them what to do, at all (who wants to be told what to do?!)…but then it hit me:
I tell them to trust themselves, I told the nice cashier.
When I got home, I found myself wanting to tell the same thing to you, whether you are my client or whether we will ever meet:
I think you can trust yourself.
I really do.
And one more thing: If you think you can’t trust yourself, it’s probably because your internal life is complex. Sometimes inner complexity may mean we seem to be doing things that aren’t good for us — like eating or using the internet too much, or procrastinating — but often, if we dig deep enough, there are parts of us that have good intentions but are hurting us because we aren’t in touch with the whole story.
Another part of having a complex inner life can also mean that there are so many voices, we don’t know what to trust. That can make us feel overwhelmed or frustrated or stuck.
So I’m not saying that learning to listen to and trust yourself might not require some work or deep self-examination.
But I am saying: I think your deepest, truest self is trustworthy.
And, of course, if you ever need help listening to your full story, or learning how to trust yourself again (it can be hard!), I’m here. I offer free calls with anyone who’s interested in coaching, so you can learn more about the coaching process, ask any questions you have, and see whether it seems like a good fit. Here’s how you can request a free call with me, if you’d like.
How to get better at knowing what you want for yourself
As a life coach, people come to me with all kinds of difficulties.
My job as a coach isn’t to tell them what to do. Instead, I help them reconnect with their own truth, so they can figure out their own next steps — now and in the future.
A very common tool that I use for that process is emptiness.
I know, I know, “emptiness” doesn’t sound sexy or exciting. But I promise it's crucial to helping yourself out of just about any personal difficulty you find yourself in.
I recorded a video for you – check it out below.
After you watch the video, promise me you’ll take even 60 seconds to do the practice I suggest. Pretty please? I know it’ll help.
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie