A common misconception about authenticity
Recently, I’ve come to realize that there’s a very common misconception about authenticity, when it comes to social interactions.
When a lot of people think about being more “authentic,” they assume they’d have to share their deepest, darkest shame – or break into tears while chatting with another regular at their neighborhood sushi place.
I’m a big believer in authenticity. I think it’s a requirement if you want to have a life that’s meaningful, satisfying, and not exhausting (more on that in episode 2 of my podcast , or this ). Authenticity is that umami flavor that enriches every single social interaction or relationship.
And: I think that this perspective on what authenticity is… is completely wrong.
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Sure, sometimes authenticity does mean sharing your deepest, darkest shame, or letting those huge feelings + tears tumble out with a trusted person. Sometimes that feels profoundly right.
But authenticity can also be talking about something mundane — the weather, your (uneventful) weekend in a way that feels present + honest.
To me, the authenticity is in the words, and in your connection to yourself.
Authentic words mean that you choose to share something just slightly more true + deep + maybe more complex than you otherwise would have. 20% more is about right – again, it doesn’t have to be your deepest shame.
Authentic connection to yourself will show up in in your delivery; were you *actually in touch with yourself* when you shared it?
We can share something brutally honest, but be dissociated, and it will feel disconnected to the other person. We can share something just slightly nuanced, but be connected with ourselves, and it will feel profoundly intimate to the other person.
I think we can all feel when we’re with someone who is engaging authentically — even if they’re just telling us about seeing their uncle for Thanksgiving, there is a depth and a freshness to it. We feel connected to them.
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I think that everyone benefits when we choose to be more authentic in our interactions. Your benefit: it feels good to be true to yourself — there is a pressure that gets released. It is less tiring, and it can lead to a deeper feeling of connection, even to the barista at Starbucks.
And the other person benefits, too. Have you ever had a connection, even in a brief, casual way, with someone who was really present? Didn’t it feel great?
Could you try to have 1 interaction this week (or weekend), that’s just 25% more authentic?
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Take care + stay cozy everyone. As always, I'm rooting for you.
Katie
p.s. I talk to most of my clients about authenticity — because authenticity and energy are the foundation on which everything else (major action, deeper relationships, career advancement) is built.
If you'd like to work with me 1:1, learn more here.
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