What to do instead of (only) worrying

I have a brain that tends to think about what can go wrong. Maybe you do, too.  

Today, I wanted to share a strategy (which I first learned about here) that has made a huge difference for me.

Here it is:

When you notice yourself focused on what could go wrong, practice giving equal brain space to what could go right.

Katie Seaver, life coach, what to do instead of worrying, how to stop worrying about things you can't control, mental exercises, negative thoughts trigger negative feelings, ways to improve mental health, how to deal with a lot of emotions

Here are some examples from my own life:

When I think: What if my mom dies soon and I miss her so much and can’t call her and chat about the most banal things and also important things?

I try to also think: Or, what if she lives for many years and we have so many lovely moments of connection together — and even after she’s gone, I have so many wonderful memories of her.



When I think: What if my husband dies and I am so lonely without him?

I try to also think: Or, what if he lives as long as I do, and we have such a meaningful, satisfying relationship. We cuddle lots, we talk about deep things, and I get to watch him grow and he watches me be the person I yearn to be.



Or, here’s another one for me, lately — we’re just about to do some renovations on our home.

When I think: What if our renovation goes terribly? It’s way more expensive than it seems, and it’s totally not worth it, and I just wasted all of this money, and I’ll really miss that money when it’s gone.

I try to also think: What if it’s one of the best things I’ve ever spent money on? What if it lets us enjoy our beautiful lives, the amazing California weather, and our experience as a family in our home, so much more deeply? What if I absolutely *love* it?



What I love about this strategy is that it doesn’t require us to only focus on the positive, or pretend that the world is only rainbows-and-rainbow-unicorns.

It simply says: the narrative you’re telling is overly — even unrealistically — negative. The negative thing isn’t the only thing that could happen; it’s just one, negative point on a whole spectrum of possibilities.

For me, training my brain to remember that things could also go right — truly, training my brain to tell a balanced narrativehas made an enormous difference.

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie





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Two simple questions to help you make decisions