One way to improve your sense of belonging - that doesn't require anyone else to do anything

Belonging is something that most of us crave.

The sense that we’re held + safe within a community that cares for us — there’s certainly nothing more primal. The lack of it, and we ache.

So often, we can feel that we need to change ourselves, mold ourselves, to a community to find that belonging. Chop ourselves down, or add bulky armor that never quite feels real.

And yet, my favorite thoughts on belonging point to a different way. In Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness, she shares a conversation between Bill Moyers and Maya Angelou, on public television in 1973:

Moyers: Do you belong anywhere?

Angelou: I haven’t yet.

Moyers: Do you belong to anyone?

Angelou: More and more. I mean, I belong to myself. I’m very proud of that. I am very much concerned about how I look at Maya. I like Maya very much. I like the humor and courage very much. And when I find myself acting in a way that isn’t…that doesn’t please me — then I have to deal with that.

This exchange, and Angelou’s wisdom, has been swirling inside of me recently. So often, we define “belonging” as something that’s about other people, about what people outside of ourselves do or do not give us.

But what if the only “belonging” that truly matter is whether you belong to yourself?

So I’ll ask: do you belong to yourself? If not, why not?

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie