The most common thought error about making mistakes
Someone dear to me recently had a minor fender bender. She was pulling out of the supermarket parking lot…and ran into a car she didn’t see coming.
Luckily, everyone was fine, and insurance would cover the repairs.
But when I talked to her, she was still beating herself up.
“If I’d just looked more carefully,” She told me, “this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. I should have been more careful.”
It should be said: this person is very careful. She’s the one who double checks her flights, and always brings a sweater in case it gets cold.
And also: it is true that the immediate cause of the accident was that she didn’t look carefully enough, on that particular day. She was the one who drove into the other car. It was her “fault.”
But, underneath, there was significant thought error:
Her brain thought that if she was careful enough, she’d never make mistakes.
“What if you assumed that some percentage of the time, you’ll mess up.” I told her. “No matter what, no matter how careful you are, how thoughtful — there is simply no way to avoid messing up some percentage of the time. Your brain isn’t a machine, and it will mis-fire sometimes. This happens to everyone, no matter how careful.”
“Sometimes these mistakes be small, and sometimes they will be significant,” I told her. “All that happened was that this was one of yours.”
Over the phone, I could hear her relief, and also her doubt.
Relief, because it felt good to not feel so guilty.
And doubt, because, well… was she allowed to think that?
I pointed out that I wasn’t saying she couldn’t be careful about her life. I was just suggesting that despite that care, she was still going to make mistakes.
Guaranteed.
…
So, this weekend, I just wanted to offer you the same thought to play with:
I will make mistakes — small and big — some percentage of the time. It is inevitable, and no amount of carefulness will allow me to avoid it.
Think of a recent time when you made a mistake. How does seeing it through this lens change your attitude towards it?
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As always, I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. This essay is such a great example of something I do frequently with my clients: help them see the thought errors they are making (which can be very hard to see on our own) + helping them cultivate believable thoughts that serve them better.
I have one opening for a new client to start in July. If you’d like to work with me, learn more here.
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