On making big life decisions + turning down a "yes"

Leaving a “no” isn’t actually that hard of a decision. 

If the job, relationship, or city clearly isn’t right, it’s not so hard to break ties. You might not be able to make a change right away, but you know what’s true.

The hardest decision is to leave a “yes.”

A relationship might be “yes” — it might have a lot of love in it. 

A job might be a “yes” — it might have people you like or a great industry.

A place might be a “yes.” 

And yet.

And yet, for some things, a “yes” isn’t good enough.

For some things, you need to have a higher standard. “Hell yes,” perhaps.  

Naming that a “yes” isn’t good enough doesn’t mean that you are impossible to please, that you’ll never be satisfied, or that you’re afraid of commitment.

(Any of those things could be true. But is it true about this?)

…

Here’s a personal story:

A few years ago, while taking a long walk around the Silverlake Reservoir, I listened to a friend tell me about a relationship he was in. His partner was smart, interesting, and kind. He really cared about her and was considering marriage. 

The relationship was a “yes.”

And yet.

And yet, as he spoke, it was clear that the relationship wasn’t a “hell yes.”

I told my friend that a “yes” might not be good enough for the decision about whether to get married. I told him that, from experience, I knew a “hell yes” could exist.

Shockingly, he took my advice — and ended the relationship. Within a few months, he started dating his “hell yes” partner.

Now, they are planning their wedding for September.

I will be officiating.

…

I’ll repeat: the hardest decision isn’t leaving a “no.”

The hardest decision is leaving a “yes” because some deep part of you thinks that a “hell yes” might be out there for you.

As always, you’ve got this. I’m rooting for you.

Katie

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