Stop polling the crowd
A hot take here for you:
Please stop polling the crowd.
…
“Polling the crowd” means that, when faced with an important decision (or even an only slightly important decision) — you look outward for answers.
Over lunch, you ask three colleagues what they would do.
On a Tuesday, you talk to your mom, your best friend from college, and the two dads you are standing next to at school pick-up.
At 3:07 am, you consult ChatGPT on the best strategies to solve your problem.
Obviously, there is wisdom to be gained, from asking for other perspectives.
But just this week, I have witnessed two different clients who came to our sessions turned around, less confident, and more anxious, around some decisions they needed to make. Even worse, they’d developed beliefs like: “I don’t even know what I want” and “I’m bad at making decisions.”
I asked them a few questions and it quickly became clear: they’ve been polling the crowd.
…
Once I realized this, I asked them, “How much time have you been spending polling others — versus how much time have you been spending polling yourself?”
In both cases, they kind of squinted their eyes at me.
Polling yourself? Can you, uh, please explain?
So I said: “Polling yourself just means connecting with yourself, in a quiet, undistracted moment. Instead of asking ChatGPT what you should do — you sit down with a cup of tea and journal about what is true for you.”
It turns out they had not done this. Even though they’d spent quite a bit of time consulting their moms, fiancés, colleagues, and favorite AI algorithms.
I don’t share this story to put my clients down! I know I’ve gotten so lost in the flow of life that I’ve also been seduced by the idea of polling others. I bet you have, too.
This is simply a reminder:
Polling others works best, when you want a crowd-sourced, widely-palatable option. This may make sense, if you are selling Prego Pasta Sauce, or putting together talking points for a politician who wants 53% of the vote.
But most of us don’t want a crowd-sourced, widely-palatable career or relationship or plan for our days. We want an option that is uniquely right for our eccentric, quirky, spikey selves. Not that other’s techniques won’t work for us — but they typically work best when we are already deeply grounded in our desires, needs, and ideas.
And: most of us, most of the time, already know what we want + need to do. We just need a little bit of quiet to hear it.
So I’ll suggest it again:
Stop polling the crowd so much. Start polling yourself more.
…
As always, I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. Here's what one of my past clients — the lovely Celia — said about working with me: “We ended up working together for almost a year, and it was truly life-changing. In a very short time, Katie was able to truly see me, probably better than anyone ever has, and more importantly she helped me be able to see myself - which I realized I had never actually done before. She really has a knack for reading the moment and knowing what is needed in that moment, while also knowing how that moment relates to the bigger picture.
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