On confusion + not knowing what you want

Recently, several of my clients — all in very different situations — were confused.

Confused about what they want next in a job.
Confused about how to find more time, as a busy executive.
Confused about whether to continue in an unconventional relationship.

They told me the same thing: I don’t know what to do! Maybe finding an answer is impossible! 

But with a bit of poking, a lot of listening, and some key coaching tools, it became clear: they did know what to do.

Of course, once they knew what they wanted... they had some other problems: fear, guilt, uncertainty.

If they know what type of job they want, will they be able to find it?
If they know what they need to cut from their schedule, will someone be mad? Or judge them?
If they continue in an unconventional relationship, will they get hurt?

These are not insignificant problems. These are clutch-your-heart problems, take-deep-breaths, make-sure-you-manage-your-anxiety problems.

But here’s what I told them: in almost every situation, it is typically better to at least know your true desires and opinions, rather than be “confused.”  

Knowing your true desires doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get what you want.
And knowing your true opinion doesn’t mean that other people won’t judge you for it, or that you’ll never encounter unintended consequences.

But you’ll have to face the fear and uncertainty and potential judgement whenever you figure out what you want – so you might as well move onto that phase sooner rather than later.

…

For many of us, we feel lost in confusion, when actually, we are capable of knowing what we want and believe.

Is knowing what we want and believe the end of the road? Heck no.

But least spare yourself the suffering of “confusion.”
At least tell *yourself* the truth.

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie  

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Read this if you're struggling to make a decision

Here’s a hard but important truth: Sometimes you have to choose.

Sometimes you have to choose between having time to rest and recharge vs. doing something exciting and fun.

Between pursuing thinness vs. pursuing sanity around food. 

Between pursuing a career you love vs. a career that will make your life feel balanced.

Is it possible to have both? Maybe! Eventually! In some form!

But here in the present moment, we usually have to prioritize. We need to know what we’ll choose when push comes to shove. Even if it feels like both things are extremely important, there’s usually one thing that takes precedence, even subconsciously.

But why let it be subconscious? Life is easier if you make your prioritization explicit. That way, you don’t have to be jealous of other people who are thin or have a high-earning career, for example, if you are choosing to prioritize sanity around food or a balanced work life. Every choice has trade-offs, and you can make peace with yours.

Prioritizing is an act of kindness. It is saying to yourself: I will accept the limitations of reality.

What are your dreams for your life? How can you prioritize them, for the week ahead?

How can you give yourself a break?

As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.

Katie