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Compasses are kind of like iPhones (Your Compass, Part II)
I’m starting this year by sharing some core concepts that I find most helpful to my clients — our compass + our engine. I’m starting with our compasses (here’s last week’s) – and I wanted to share another idea this week.
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Today I wanted to share #1 misunderstanding about compasses that I find I have to explain to the world.
Here it is:
Compasses drained of batteries will only tell you that they are drained of batteries.
You know how when your iphone or your laptop is drained of battery, you can turn it on, it just shows the “battery is dead” sign, and then turns itself off?
The compass is 100% like this.
If human (metaphorical) compasses came with instruction manuals, they would say: Compass will not give directional information when drained of battery.
Often, when people get that battery-dead-turning-itself-off thing, they freak out and think their compass doesn’t work. When actually, your compass is totally working.
It is just telling you the one thing it really, really wants you to know, which is “you are tired.”
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And this is, truly the #1 misunderstanding about compasses that I find I have to explain to the world. I tell it to clients very frequently. I told this to a friend just this week.
My friend was feeling stressed out + scared because she didn’t know what she wanted to do professionally. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said:
You know, I just think if I was being honest, I don’t want a job at all. I’d love to never work again. But I can’t do that, financially, so I just feel trapped and like I have nothing to navigate by.
And it was very clear to me what the problem was.
So I told her: “Girl, your compass is working just fine. It’s just that when your compass is out of batteries, the only thing it’s going to tell you is to recharge the batteries. You’re not going to get any more information until there’s more juice in that thing.”
And then she laughed and was really relieved.
Because, she had been going through a busier time than usual, and she was genuinely tired. And she could quit her job to rest, of course, but she also could just prioritize rest more in her life as a whole, while keeping her job. Both are options.
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But again, in these situations, the compass is working, it’s just doing what it is supposed to do, which is not to give a reading when it doesn’t have enough battery level.
So as my PSA for this month, please remember: Compasses drained of batteries will only tell you that they are drained of batteries.
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As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
P.s. Want to rebuild your compass? I highly recommend working with me 1:1. Learn more here about what it’s like to work with me, what past clients have said, and more.
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"I have everything I want. Why am I not happy?"
Recently, several of my clients have been telling me that they — amazingly, wonderfully — have achieved something they used to dream of.
They have the pool, the salary, the first-class seats they dreamed of as a young girl whose parents struggled financially.
They have the international social-impact job they dreamed of as a big-hearted twenty-something.
They have the baby, the relationship, the house, they dreamed of as a former version of themselves.
And yet.
And yet, it looks different from here.
It feels different from here.
Often, it doesn’t feel as absolutely incredible as they thought.
There’s a lot I could say, to this current version of you. (Frankly, this is often the seed that kicks off entire 1:1 coaching engagements.)
But here, today, I just want to say: don’t be the prisoner of your past self’s dream.
Your past self didn’t want you to be stuck, tired, or unhappy. You past self could not have possibly known what the view would look like from here.
Give yourself permission to dream something new.
I’ll say it again: Give yourself permission to dream something new.
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
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"Should I trust my gut or listen to others?"
I just want to set the record straight:
You can take care of yourself better than anyone else in the world.
Yes, of course, we need help.
Yes, of course, we can’t do it alone.
Yes, of course, we must draw on the wisdom and guidance of professionals and parents and family members and friends and doctors and lawyers.
Yes, of course, we can’t be subject matter experts on everything.
But you know what I see happening, far too often?
Brilliant, caring women and men feel overwhelmed and lost and insecure because we've forgotten…no one can take care of us better than we can.
Sure, all of those “experts” might have opinions till they are blue in the face….
But only you can know whether you need twelve hours of sleep tonight, or five.
Whether you need a spinach salad or an apple tart.
Whether you need to push through to finish the project or take a break.
Whether you need a big hug or a big scream or a big whole afternoon alone.
We know what we need if we are willing to listen.
What do you need, today?
Right now?
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Superfans may notice that I originally shared this post back in 2018. While I’m on maternity leave, I’m sharing some of my “best-of” posts from my archives — I hope you enjoy! :)
I know you’ve got this. I’m rooting for you.
Katie
Life doesn't feel right? You might be having a "breakdown" (And that might be a good thing)
One of the first lessons I learned when I trained to be a coach was about “breakdowns”. My coaching school, New Ventures West, defines a “breakdown” as “non-obviousness”*.
Take a moment to let that sink in. Breakdown is when you experience non-obviousness.
Something about your life doesn’t feel right, and it’s not obvious what the problem is.
You are in a new or challenging situation, and it’s not obvious what the next, best move would be.
You know what you should do or want to do, and it’s not obvious why you aren’t doing it.
Most of us intuitively understand that we might be in “breakdown” if something major in our lives was going off the rails —our career or our marriage, for example. But the radical thing about defining breakdown as “a state of non-obviousness” is that if we’re paying attention, we are all frequently in a breakdown.
Think about it. If we’re really paying attention, we probably find ourselves in a state of non-obviousness perhaps even multiple times a day.
It might not be obvious what the best way is to deal with a challenging relationship at work.
It might not be obvious what the best way is to prioritize our personal finances.
It might not be obvious what our goals are at work or at home.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re failing at any of those things. Most of us are quite competent people who make it through just fine, most of the time! It just means that if we were really paying attention, we’d notice that there are more situations than we thought when we’re not really sure what is best for us.
And when things aren't obvious, life can get really interesting. We can question assumptions and ideas that we thought were set in stone. We can explore and try new things, from a genuinely curious place. We can get advice and support because we don't expect to be able to figure it all out on our own.
If we let ourselves be in a breakdown, it can sometimes lead us to truly thriving in the world.
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Which leads me to ask: In what areas of your life are you currently experiencing “non-obviousness”? How could you behave differently, by embracing that reality?
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
* New Ventures West was inspired by Heidegger’s work in developing this definition of “breakdown.” I am not a Heidegger scholar, but my understanding is that it comes from a combination of two terms in his work: “breakdown of transparency” and “breakdown of obviousness”.